1. Take highly-trained special forces "peacekeeping" troops and give them special weapons formulated in specially secret underground Canadian military laboratories.

2. Station troops at secret Canadian military bases along the 49th parallel. Put the troops of the bases in Windsor (Fort Auto), Medicine Hat (Fort McClung) and Squamish (Fort Fortress) on alert.

3. Send soldiers to make highly-militarized igloos along the Yukon-Alaskan border.

4. Instruct all soldiers to sing morale-defeating Stompin' Tom songs loud enough to be heard over the US-Canada border.

5. Activate secret underwater military bases off the coast of California (Base Bluenose), Continental Europe (Base I's-the-by) and Indonesia (Base Ogopogo).

6. Take troops at secret Arctic Circle base off "scientific mission" status and put on "prepare to invade" status.

7. Fax the Prime Minister and remind him/her to sever diplomatic ties with the world.

8. Parachute Canadian soldiers into specially selected target areas in Belgium, Ohio, Laos, and Rio. Tell inhabitants of the invaded regions that the soldiers are there to conduct a "Special Canadian Beer Survey".

9. Distribute free beer to those who question our increasing mobilization.

10. Gas up R.C.A.F. planes, and get our nuclear submarines warmed up.

11. Wait for further instructions from Generals Claire and Jenny.

Next: Part 3!

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